Operation Fescue: a manifesto

If only you knew.

The carnage in American neighborhoods increases every day, yet most people don't understand the stakes.

Every year, millions and millions of defenseless plants are being callously destroyed in the name of "lawn care". So-called "gardeners" spread poisonous chemicals on these plants on the pretext of making their environment more livable; yet how can it be livable when so many are dying?

Operation Fescue is the only national organization dedicated to saving the lives of these plants. For years, groups such as Plant Parenthood and the so-called "Ortho" people have made a fortune from destroying these plants. To poison the minds of the public, they call these plants "weeds", and they profit from their destruction. And they don't even go through the motions of hiding their murderous intent; in any department store in the country, you can buy "Weed Eaters" and "Weed Wackers", for the specific purpose of killing plants that don't "look right". Who are these "gardeners", that they dare to play God?

Operation Fescue believes that if the Lord had intended us to have lawns without "weeds", we would all have been born at Augusta National. Today, our stalwart soldiers of the sod are taking a stand in every state in the Union, fighting the good fight against those who would destroy innocent life in the name of fertilization. Donations are always accepted. We do not, however, accept transplants.

Posted 5 May 1996

<> | Writings | Copyright © 1991 by Charles G. Hill