50 Factoids

Half a hundred things you probably don't need to know about me:

  1. I hate to throw things away. I had a fax machine whose innards were toast, and not good toast either, but it took me two years to haul it out to the Dumpster.
  2. My left foot is almost a half-size larger than the right, which makes shoe-buying something of a crapshoot.
  3. I once ate an entire Betty Crocker Pie Crust Stick at one sitting.
  4. The Army originally planned to make a chaplain's assistant of me.
  5. I started subscribing to Out because one time, by some fluke, it was one of the dozens of multicolored stamps in a mailing by Publishers Clearing House.
  6. No matter when I get to bed, I don't think I get enough sleep.
  7. I support Walter Matthau's position in First Monday in October: "A telephone has no Constitutional right to be answered."
  8. For twenty-five years I have used the same scent (Ralph Lauren's Polo).
  9. I have basically zero compulsion to work. Had I an independent source of income, I would hit the road and screw around for weeks at a time.
  10. It would never occur to me at this point in time to go visit my high-school girlfriend.
  11. I dropped my season tickets for the Oklahoma Symphony Orchestra (now defunct) when the Music Director was sacked for insufficient conservatism.
  12. My dreams are almost entirely nonsexual the ones I can remember, anyway.
  13. I get more flossing done waiting for Usenet to feed me articles than I do standing in the bathroom.
  14. A handful of nights excepted, I haven't worn anything to bed since 1970, and I tend to be puzzled by those who do.
  15. I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that most organizations are run by the wrong people, and that in the event they are ousted, they will be replaced by persons comparably unqualified.
  16. Back around 1986, I spent 26 hours in a row online, and worse, this was during the time when you paid for access by the hour.
  17. I put on the left sock, then the left shoe, then the right sock, then the right shoe. I am told that this is not common.
  18. It's impossible to know for sure, but I suspect I've had all the sex I'm ever going to have.
  19. I have every issue of Entertainment Weekly.
  20. My email archives date back to 1994, though the so-called "current" archive starts in the spring of 1997.
  21. I believe that if I had no physical deficiencies whatever, I would still be generally undatable.
  22. An electric fan goes on when I go to bed, mostly for noise-masking purposes.
  23. I am fascinated by dancing, though for aesthetic reasons I should be restrained from trying.
  24. While I admit freely to my age, I hardly ever give out my birthday.
  25. I contend that after a few more years of hip-hop, we will have an entire generation who can't tell melody from malaria.
  26. Generally, I tip 16.7 percent for "okay", 25 percent for "good", and the sky's the limit for "beyond the call of duty".
  27. I read essentially nothing into dreams beyond the fact that they were had; I think most interpretations of dreams are shots in the dark.
  28. My car isn't spotless, but it won't take a whole day to detail it either.
  29. I have been known to dun creditors for failing to bill me on time.
  30. My children, in their twenties, are far cooler than I was at that age.
  31. I say what I think most of the time, and the rest of the time it shouldn't be difficult to figure.
  32. It took me almost two months to notice that my subscription to Rolling Stone had expired.
  33. I have no actual fear of flying (crashing is another matter), but my car never loses my bags and doesn't require security checks.
  34. Katie Couric doesn't do a thing for me.
  35. I spent the summer of 1988 in a Community Mental Health Center.
  36. If I mess up, I tend to report it right away.
  37. I appeared on television twice once in the early Eighties, and once in 2005. It was not pretty. Nor was I.
  38. In my opinion, there are plenty of albums even Beatles albums better than Sgt. Pepper's.
  39. I am usually bored by porn, though not bored stiff, exactly.
  40. Some people can play music but can't read it; I can read it, sort of, but can't play.
  41. I once got to see Triple Crown winner Secretariat, but he wasn't running that day; he had some sort of viral infection.
  42. My usual reaction after writing a piece for this site is "Why would anyone want to read this crap?"
  43. I keep a stack of boring books at bedside in case I can't fall asleep.
  44. After years of semi-isolation, I tend to shy away from physical contact.
  45. I am over six feet tall, yet my inseam is a mere twenty-eight inches.
  46. Scrabble I play fairly well, but I am easily beaten at chess.
  47. I have worn the same watch (a cheap Casio electronic) since 1980.
  48. As the tailors say, I dress left.
  49. I fall in love a lot more easily than I fall out.
  50. It takes a certain amount of anal-retentiveness to make sure that a list like this has no more than half its entries starting with "I".

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