The Chaz Awards 2005

The Chaz Awards are given annually to those people, places, events and ideas that motivated me sufficiently to start writing down stuff like this.

Dumbest pre-election pronouncement:
Actor Patrick Swayze, having declared that the United States had been "insensitive" and "disrespectful" in Iraq, explained the logic behind his assessment: "I know a great deal about the Middle East because Iíve been raising Arabian horses."
Dumbest not-especially-pre-election pronouncement:
Vanity Fair contributing editor James Wolcott cheers the wrath of Mother Nature: "I root for hurricanes. When, courtesy of the Weather Channel, I see one forming in the ocean off the coast of Africa, I find myself longing for it to become big and strong Mother Nature's fist of fury, Gaia's stern rebuke. Considering the havoc mankind has wreaked upon nature with deforesting, stripmining, and the destruction of animal habitat, it only seems fair that nature get some of its own back and teach us that there are forces greater than our own."
Best TV event:
Janet Jackson's wardrobe "malfunction," proving that the average American is deeply offended by that which causes him to spend twenty minutes trying to work the freeze-frame just so.
Top-rated collector's item of 2004:
W" Ketchup, made in America for Americans and their French fries.
Most elusive Christmas present:
Donald Rumsfeld's pen.
Most inexplicable blog artifact:
Wonkette's eerily-inflated skirt, an aerodynamic effect peculiar to the District of Columbia.
Best blog slogan:
While I like mine "I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less" it's hard to beat Captain's Quarters: "Thus every blogger, in his kind, is bit by him who comes behind."
Most blatant example of sexism:
Volvo's YCC "Your Concept Car," unwrapped at this year's Chicago Auto Show has everything that's pejorative about the term "chick car," up to and including a scooped-out headrest to accommodate one's hairstyle. We haven't seen anything this obvious since the mid-Fifties, when Dodge was trying to sell a pink-and-white Lancer LaFemme, complete with matching accessories.
Most snarkily-dismissive film review:
Premiere's Glenn Kenny is not impressed with Asia Argento's The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things: "As Winona Ryder, Marilyn Manson, Michael Pitt, Kip Pardue, et al. stop by for their cameos, one feels one is watching the biggest production ever from The Quasi-Hipster Asshole Community Theater Company."
Charity hardest to explain to your parents:
The annual Blogger Boobie-Thon for Breast Cancer, which inexplicably raises thousands of dollars each year by putting the bloggers' actual racks on display.
Strangest photo of 2004:

Lindsay Lohan channels Elle Macpherson.
Most-welcome sign of sanity on Usenet:
The RIAA still hasn't quite figured it out yet.

Posted 25 December 2004

Join us next year, same time, same URL (probably), for the next edition of the Chaz Awards.

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Copyright © 1997-2004 by Charles G. Hill