It’s a miracle, a true-blue spectacle

We’ve all been in this position:

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The beat of the car next to you rips a hole in your eardrum as the excessive bass punches into your chest. Next to you is a car equipped with SPL Champion Edition Subwoofers and custom spinners designed for that perfect mix of gangsta and douche.

It’s a headache to many drivers, but not anymore.

The Irritated Tulsan is proud to announce:

Introducing The Barry Man-iLow: the revolutionary application that switches the aggravating sound of an inconsiderate driver’s loud bass to Barry Manilow. Finally, an iPhone app worth the purchase. Here’s how it works:

  • Plug your Barry Man-iLow into your cigarette lighter.
  • Aim it toward any car within a 30-foot radius.
  • Push the button
  • The driver’s music instantly switches from gangsta rap to the music of Barry Manilow.

I really believe Barry himself would approve.

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7 comments

  1. Jeffro »

    3 June 2009 · 8:08 pm

    I’m in when there is a Crackberry app.

  2. Lisa Paul »

    3 June 2009 · 9:19 pm

    I have an iPhone and I’m totally getting that app. Is it real or is this a joke? Can they add in songs like “I like Pina Coladas”, “Muskrat Love” and “Don’t Worry Be Happy”?

  3. CGHill »

    3 June 2009 · 9:22 pm

    So far, this exists only in the feverish mind of the Irritated Tulsan.

    I think.

  4. Deborah »

    3 June 2009 · 10:33 pm

    This is similar to my patented idea for a sound disgronificator. (a word stolen from Rush Limbaugh). MY disgronificator, when pointed at the offending car, would simply kill the sound system entirely, so that it wouldn’t work for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Repeat offenders could be hit with a stronger blast that would shut down their tunes for 24 hours, and so on. For the true recidivist, it has a setting that will kill the car’s complete electrical system (as in “call a tow truck”) until I feel like hitting reset.

  5. Lisa Paul »

    4 June 2009 · 12:38 am

    You raise our hopes, then dash them. But what were the songs that were blasted out in Panama to break Noriega? Those are the ones that should be included. I seem to remember Tony Orlando and Dawn.

  6. Irritated Tulsan »

    4 June 2009 · 6:25 am

    CGHill is right. This app only exists in my feverish mind, but I’m also working on The M-iLey Cyrus, iCher, and The Captain and Tenn-iLle.

  7. CGHill »

    4 June 2009 · 7:22 am

    Sergeant Major Herbert A. Friedman, who knows from psyops, says the following about the musical deNoriegafication:

    [T]here was no special selection of particularly awful mind-numbing music selected by the psywarriors to quickly drive Noriega into the open. In fact, just regular popular music of the times was played; whatever the troops had in their personal possession or whatever was requested or played by the local radio stations.

    The military radio station has stated that prior to the 26th they had played various requests from the troops; the Marines asked for “Welcome to the Jungle,” the canine handlers requested Billy Idol’s “Flesh for Fantasy,” and the Special Forces wanted the Doors’ “Strange Days.” Other calls were for patriotic songs like Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” and hard rock songs like “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by the Twisted Sister.

    On the 25th the station played Christmas music.

    On the 27th with Noriega now located the station received a call from an individual identifying himself as a PSYOP trooper from Ft. Bragg. It is not clear if that PSYOP team member requested specific songs or simply informed the station that their music was being blared over loudspeakers outside the Papal building. The end result was that for the next day or two the station played a lot of rock and roll. The requested play list is at least 95 songs long and contains such favorites as; “Born to Run,” “Bring Down the Hammer,” “Dancing in the Streets,” “Hang ‘Em High,” “I Fought the Law and the Law Won,” “Judgment Day,” “Nowhere to Run,” “Run Like Hell,” “The Party’s Over,” “They’re Coming to Take Me Away,” “Wanted Dead or Alive” and “Your Time is Gonna Come.”

    By the 29th the station had ceased playing requests and returned to playing the “Top Forty” from Billboard’s “Top 100.”

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