Chuck roasted

You might want to take the kids somewhere else this time:

Chuck E. Cheese mixes the world’s two main sources of trouble in one setting: booze and babies.

A cursory search of Chuck E. Cheese brings up one violent incident after another. A 2008 article about a Brookfield, Wisconsin, location describes the venue as the place where a kid can be a casualty:

“Officers have been called to break up 12 fights, some of them physical, at the child-oriented pizza parlor since January 2007… Law-enforcement officials say alcohol, loud noise, thick crowds and the high emotions of children’s birthday parties make the restaurants more prone to disputes than other family entertainment venues.”

How is this possible?

The environment brings out what security experts call the “mama-bear instinct.” A Chuck E. Cheese can “take on some of the dynamics of the animal kingdom, where beasts rush to protect their young when they sense a threat.” Apart from animal attacks, mascots are also a huge insurance risk, what with the regular assaults on poor Chucky.

What a friend we have in Cheese’s.

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5 comments

  1. fillyjonk »

    13 March 2009 · 8:51 am

    I always figured Chuck E. Cheese’s was just one of the more prettily-painted portals to Hell. Now I know it for sure.

    I’m so glad my Youth Group kids have outgrown a desire to go to Chuck E’s. A few years ago one of them was heavily lobbying for a trip to the one nearest us. I was very good at changing the subject every time it came up.

    I’ve only been in the place once in my live, but I remember it more as Chuck E. Sensory Overstimulation.

  2. McGehee »

    13 March 2009 · 9:27 am

    I was trying to work up a riff on how, even though I’ve never sat down in a Chuck E. Cheese it sounds like a cross between Cici’s Pizza (a metro-Atlanta pizza buffet chain) and Dave & Buster’s (a food, drink and “fun”) place with two locations I’m aware of in Atlanta) with the worst of both.

    Then I realized Dave & Buster’s is basically Harrah’s for Baptists and the whole thing just collapsed.

  3. McGehee »

    13 March 2009 · 9:29 am

    Also, by the time Chris and I moved to Fairbanks back in ’94 the local Chuck E. had closed down and been reincarnated with a different theme — but the mascot carpet was still visible to patrons in the dining room.

    As a result the unfortunate new tenant came to be known locally as “Chuck E. Chinese.”

  4. Old Grouch »

    13 March 2009 · 6:40 pm

    I blame Lileks.

  5. GradualDazzle »

    13 March 2009 · 9:12 pm

    My son thought the place was called Chucky Jesus for the first six years of his life. What a friend, indeed. You, sir, are full of drollery and wit. heh

    And I despise Chuck E’s place, with every cell in my body.

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