Strange search-engine queries (574)

A lot of traffic here comes from random Googlers or Bingers or Whateverers who are looking for something specific, and the sheer volume of content I maintain — we’re coming up on 30,000 pages now — practically assures said randoms that if you dig down far enough, you’ll hit this place. (To prevent this, search engines limit the number of results they send, and who can blame them?) What they don’t know, of course, is that I read them, and once a week I post some of the weirder ones.

assume every semester after finals you fly back to your hometown using a​ $300 ticket you buy online. you have​ 40,000 frequent flier miles. you could exchange your miles for a​ round-trip ticket to bermuda over spring break:  It’s a shame you can’t cash in those miles to reduce your student-loan debt.

fourth font:  A sign that you’ve overdecorated your Web page.

what is the mass of the water located in the right arm between the dashed line and the right cap?  This says “I will do anything to avoid actually solving this problem.”

theresa may upskirt:  I’m sure Mrs Thatcher never had to put up with stuff like this.

madison gets annoyed because her friend susannah forwards to her every chain email that lands in her inbox. madison needs to tell susannah to:  At the very least, “Stop forwarding that crap to me.”

they went to jared:  And Jared told them to make their own damn sandwiches.

michelle left dirty dishes in the sink for a couple of days. when her roommate tania saw this, she left a note on michelle’s door demanding that michelle clean up after herself. after reading the note, michelle angrily put her garbage cans in front of tania’s door. tania then went into:  A fit of pique.

naturalist cleaners:  Removes even the filthiest soil samples from your field gear.

2017 surly troll:  Trust me, trolls have been surly since the earliest days of Usenet.

which of the following statements supports the idea presented in this quote from the excerpt? were there not even these inducements to moderation, nothing could be more ill-judged than that intolerant spirit which has, at all times, characterized political parties:  Especially the parties that want to pretend that they’re tolerant.

nude sneeze:  If nothing else, it will keep snot off your clothes.

my parents didn’t steal an elephant by uriah c lasso:  Which in no way resembles The African Princess by Erasmus B. Black.

suppose you are about to graduate from high school and your generous aunt scharf makes you an offer. she will give you $2000 today or she will give you $2500 in four years when you graduate from college. assume no inflation or taxes:  And then facepalm when you realize the likelihood of having no inflation or taxes.

baby on board something something burt ward:  Holy vagueness, Batman!

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2 comments »

  1. Holly H »

    31 January 2017 · 12:04 pm

    nude sneeze: If nothing else, it will keep snot off your clothes.

    LOL

  2. CGHill »

    31 January 2017 · 2:02 pm

    Works as advertised, were anyone silly enough to advertise it.

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