It is, after all, the season

An unusual admission these days:

I like fruitcake. I am the only one in my family who does. The girls think it is gross. The boys don’t care because it isn’t pizza or beer. But I like it, so when we were at Costco yesterday I picked one up. $16, which is kind of a chunk of money, but each fruitcake contains about a zillion calories, so each calorie costs 16,000 zillionths of a cent, which means it’s like the cheapest food in the world. All you have to do is dole it out slowly.

It helps that eating it fast is sort of difficult.

An old friend of mine, long since moved away, was an expert at the fine art of fruitcakery. If Costco’s are worth five bucks a pound, hers were worth at least twenty.



  1. Wombat-socho »

    21 December 2016 · 1:00 am

    I used to like the fruitcake from the old C-rations, but the problem was that they had two different fruitcakes, and one was as horrible as the other was tasty. I could never keep it straight as to which one was which.

  2. Francis W. Porretto »

    21 December 2016 · 4:40 am

    According to Calorie King, there are approximately 330 calories in a 3 ounce serving of fruitcake. That makes it fairly calorie dense, though there are specialty foods (e.g., pemmican) that pack even more calories per ounce. So if you really need to gain weight, wash it down with 8 ounces of egg nog (344 calories) and follow with a Brandy Alexander (296 calories).

    “Eat something. You’ll feel better.” — Ancient Jewish Mother’s maxim, taken from an authentically Ancient Jewish Mother.

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