Expected item

Apparently this happens to everyone at the self-checkout counter:

I get ALMOST DONE when the machine says that I didn’t bag the item — or maybe it said there was something in the bag that didn’t belong, I don’t recall. The point here is that I had been doing everything properly, with everything that ought to have been in the bag actually in the bag, and nothing in the bag that shouldn’t have been in it.

So the machine doesn’t like my arrangement, fine. I take the item out and put it back in to make it happy. It still doesn’t like it. Okay, fine, I will take out ALL THE ITEMS, cancel the entire transaction, and do it all again but slower because apparently this machine is special needs.

I try to cancel out, and the machine basically throws a fit by saying that it requires an associate to void the transaction. In other words, now am I not only going to have to deal with a human, I get the added pleasure of looking like either an idiot who doesn’t know how to self-checkout, or some shady bitch who’s trying to scam the Mart of Walls.

At this point, I just threw my hands up and walked the fuck away. Yes, I abandoned all my items; there weren’t that many and an associate was going to come over anyway, and frankly I was tired of the whole thing. All I wanted was to buy my crap and leave, and instead I was dealing with technology which couldn’t understand that I had indeed properly scanned and bagged my crap.

I think it’s a safe bet she’s not the only woman who’s done the same.



  1. fillyjonk »

    10 October 2016 · 8:39 pm

    Been there, almost did that, but at the last moment felt I’d already invested enough effort that it became one of those Wile E. Coyote things where you are going to keep pushing until either you succeed in the task or die trying.

    And yes, of the self-checkouts I’ve used, the Mart of Wal’s are the dead worst when it comes to just randomly locking up or throwing a hissy because I scanned too fast, too slow, put the item in the bagging area too soon or God knows what.

  2. McG »

    11 October 2016 · 10:56 am

    Mystifyingly, the self-checkout machines at our local Sam’s Club seem to be the most reliable, though Kroger’s may be slightly better while marked down by a larger sample size of encounters.

    At Walmart I don’t mind insisting that the self-check supervisor keep coming back to help because she already knows the machines are crappy and is probably compiling a dossier to bludgeon corporate management with the next time checkout staffing decisions are being made.

    Actually though, I have to confess I don’t use self-checkout as much as I used to, except maybe at Home Depot if I’ve stopped in for, like, a titanium drill bit and some LED light bulbs. My preferred Kroger these days may be farther from home than the other two in the county, but it always seems to have enough manned checkouts moving fast enough.

  3. Jay »

    11 October 2016 · 11:02 am

    I usually give the machine the double middle finger (one from each hand), prompting a visit from a chuckling associate, BEFORE the light at the top of the pole starts flashing “Moron Alert! Moron Alert! Moron Alert!”. I can only hope it was also recorded on camera.

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