Every time I think I’m the least-successful guy on the planet, dating-wise, I hear tell of someone like this:
Walt The Pituitary-Enhanced Uber-Creep: You’re a very attractive woman.
me: Uh … thanks. Your total is $6.69.
WTPEUC: I mean it. *to the waiting line* Ain’t she the best thing you’ve seen all day?
me: Stop that. $6.69.
WTPEUC: You need a man like me telling you that ever day, you hear me?
me: I don’t want to be told anything, I just want $6.69.
WTPEUC: I bet you go out with a whole lot of men, doan you?
me: I’m married. Very very married. Unavailable. Is this cash or debit?
WTPEUC: Food stamp, ‘course.
me: Yeah. Okay.
WTPEUC: I’m coming back. You wait and see. I cain’t see that face only once.
me: Holy shit.
Next Guy In Line: What the hell?
me: Commerce is a dangerous world.
And to prove she was right, he did come back. Sheesh.