Unwanted advances

Every time I think I’m the least-successful guy on the planet, dating-wise, I hear tell of someone like this:

Walt The Pituitary-Enhanced Uber-Creep: You’re a very attractive woman.

me: Uh … thanks. Your total is $6.69.

WTPEUC: I mean it. *to the waiting line* Ain’t she the best thing you’ve seen all day?

me: Stop that. $6.69.

WTPEUC: You need a man like me telling you that ever day, you hear me?

me: I don’t want to be told anything, I just want $6.69.

WTPEUC: I bet you go out with a whole lot of men, doan you?

me: I’m married. Very very married. Unavailable. Is this cash or debit?

WTPEUC: Food stamp, ‘course.

me: Yeah. Okay.

WTPEUC: I’m coming back. You wait and see. I cain’t see that face only once.

me: Holy shit.

Next Guy In Line: What the hell?

me: Commerce is a dangerous world.

And to prove she was right, he did come back. Sheesh.



  1. fillyjonk »

    5 August 2016 · 7:45 am

    The problem is, lots of us women would LIKE a fellow to tell us every day that we’re good-looking, cute, smart, whatever. The bigger problem is usually the person who wants to do that for us is a Walt.

    or at least that’s been my experience. Maybe I’m just unlucky.

  2. In The Mailbox: 08.05.16 : The Other McCain »

    5 August 2016 · 3:26 pm

    […] Dustbury: Unwanted Advances […]

  3. LeeAnn »

    6 August 2016 · 5:36 am

    I have found, through research just like that, that I am attractive to the marginally human element. I so far have found no consistent repellent except using multi-syllable words and then biting their heads off.
    I would make a great public speaker praying mantis.

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