Department of Motivational Beverages

Just when I’ve decided that this state has the most irredeemably absurd liquor laws in all the 57 fifty, this materializes:

Went next door to Edina Liquors, the Sad Municipal Hooch Vendor — sad not for its character or decor, because it’s quite nice. It’s an upscale wine store with fine spirits. Everyone was content to shop there until Total Wine and Spirits, aka Infinite Central Nervous System Fluid Dispensary, opened up a mile away, and revealed that the prices at Edina Liquors could be undercut by five dollars, and the Republic would not fall. The municipal store countered that its revenue helped keep property taxes down, and paid for parks. That’s great but I don’t live in Edina. If you have to sell liquor to keep your taxes low then maybe you should cut spending or increase taxes.

I’d say the same about lotteries, but I’d be treading upon dreams even more fervid than the DTs.

And one should not expect marketing brilliance from the state under any conditions:

This time I noticed new signage, with phrases touting how the money went back into the community. If that’s your main selling point, rethink your plan. I was there because I had a coupon for 10% off anything — as long as it didn’t end in “5.” They’d discounted some things, and these prices ended in 5, and they were all the same price as Infinite. I walked out, and the clerk at the counter didn’t even take his eyes away from the TV on the wall.

The DMV, writ smaller and thirstier.

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