Lowest possible priority

This arrived in the mail yesterday, and as Fake Priority Mail envelopes go, this is one of the fakest:

Bogus Priority Mail from a local auto dealer

The fine print off to the right is hilarious:

Package intended for NextDay Delivery shipments only. Contents should be packed securely to ensure safe and prompt delivery. Contents are tracked nationwide. No liquids allowed.

And then, in even finer print, an alleged form number: ND912-0623. I include this for the sake of Googlers and such who might have gotten this piece of utter crap and thought for a moment that it was legit. It is, of course, nothing of the sort: it’s a pitch from one of the shadier auto dealers in town, complete with a plastic disk about poker-chip size, to make you think someone might have actually sent you a coin.

Incidentally, no one ever loses at these fake games — you win the absolutely lowest possible prize — and there’s also a bogus “Instant Savings Voucher” from the crapweasels, designed to look like a check for $3,534.92.

“Tracked nationwide,” indeed. Hey, pal, track this.

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2 comments

  1. fillyjonk »

    27 January 2016 · 8:11 am

    I’d love to see someone do some kind of correlational study between receipt of these goofy things and age (or membership in certain groups, or whatever). I almost never get this kind of crap (I do get things from the local “Usury? Oh, silly me! I must have just made up a word that doesn’t exist” payday loan places) but it seems my parents have to wade through an unending tide of screamy letters holding sometimes-precarious political positions, or ads for “supplements,” things like that.

    though maybe auto places are different, I don’t know. I used to occasionally get fliers with fake car keys attached to them and the like.

  2. CGHill »

    27 January 2016 · 8:25 am

    These guys have been known to do the fake car-key thing.

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