Quote of the week

Most of us, at one time or another, will encounter someone who is Clearly Inferior, and we won’t say a word because, well, we’re just not that way.

Which is a shame, because being that way leaves open the possibility of a denunciation like this:

Let me tell you why. I’m not in WalMars wearing what looks like a drag-queen’s best curtains turned into yoga pants and basted with neon. I’m not testing the tensile strength of those pants by sausaging a 10 pound rump roast into a 2 pound sack. I’m not wearing a t-shirt with what I can only imagine are strategically placed holes designed to let all eligible males know you are open for business and your nipples, even though they’re at approximate knee level, are fantastic as far as you and your pimp go. I don’t smell like I rolled in a puddle made of wet dog and Old Thunderholt and then sprinkled my seven-acre cleavage with glitter and cheap cigarillo ashes. I speak normal, understandable English. I haven’t spent my entire net worth on acrylic talons the length of Godzilla’s dick so I have to try to con the cashier into letting me get my generic cigarettes on the food stamp card. But you know the main reason, the absolute main reason I’m better than you?

I’m not you. Put that in your crack pipe, which I see sticking out of your oversized, stuffed with thongs you just shoplifted, purse, and smoke it.

Invertebrates like me will simply shop somewhere else and pay the extra $6.19 a week.

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2 comments »

  1. Tatyana »

    27 September 2014 · 9:24 am

    Yeah, I’d like to hear her saying that aloud.
    And in resulting mudfight tearing those pants off her assailant.

  2. CGHill »

    27 September 2014 · 12:41 pm

    Given her sweet, dulcet tones, the object of her objections might not even catch on until it’s too late.

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