The emetic in your refrigerator door

I am not fond of mayonnaise. (Then there’s McGehee, who is really not fond of mayonnaise.) Still, your go-to person for mayo hatred is Amelia:

When is it appropriate to use mayonnaise?

Dear Brian,

Never. Well, never as condiment, anyways. Mayonnaise is acceptable if you’ve ingested poison and need to induce vomiting, but only if other means are not available and time is truly of the essence.

Amusingly, this is the top of the Wikipedia page for “Vomiting”:

“Vomit” redirects here. For other uses, see Vomit (disambiguation).

“Emesis” redirects here. For the butterfly genus, see Emesis (genus).

“Heaving” redirects here. For the up-and-down motion, see Heave.

“Puke” redirects here. For other uses, see Puke (disambiguation).

When the aliens come, as they must, I’ll remind them that this world of ours is so incredibly diverse that there’s a disambiguation page for “Puke.”

(Typed while eating a ham sandwich. No mayo.)



  1. Roger Green »

    4 September 2014 · 2:52 am

    I used mayo yesterday,but ham sandwiches take mustard.

  2. Francis W. Porretto »

    4 September 2014 · 3:41 am

    Bah! Mayonnaise is one of a very few things the New World should be grateful for toward the Old. There’s no point in eating a BLT without it. And that’s to say nothing of leftover turkey. (After the cranberry sauce has been used up, of course.)

  3. McGehee »

    4 September 2014 · 6:54 am

    A BLT has two eminently tasty things on it from which mayonnaise only distracts the palate. It also has lettuce, but nothing is perfect.

  4. backwoods conservative »

    4 September 2014 · 8:24 am

    There are probably some people out there who love mayonnaise more than I do, but I haven’t met them yet. I have the good fortune to live in the Southeast, home of THE brand of mayonnaise, Duke’s.

    Mustard is what I can live without.

  5. fillyjonk »

    4 September 2014 · 9:33 am

    Yeah, Duke’s. Much better than the other brands I’ve had. It doesn’t have sugar in it, which I think is the secret. (I really don’t like the “salad dressing” or “salad cream” or “boiled dressing” type things, which are too sweet and often too floury if made at home)

    Mayo is fine on certain things. You pretty much need it for egg salad (then again, I know lots of people who hate egg salad). And it’s good on tomato sandwiches. However, it can be overused and it has no place on a grilled cheese sandwich, which is actually something I was served once and turned up my nose at.

  6. Charles Pergiel »

    4 September 2014 · 9:53 am

    Communists! Charlatans! Dispeptics! Scurilous mange ridden flea bags! Apply as you see fit.

  7. Roger Green »

    4 September 2014 · 9:55 am

    Communists? We’re not even talking about ketchup.

  8. Charles Pergiel »

    4 September 2014 · 10:00 am

    We are now.

  9. backwoods conservative »

    4 September 2014 · 10:03 am

    Ketchup is something I do apply as I see fit. It goes very well with meat, cheese, and mayonnaise.

  10. McGehee »

    4 September 2014 · 3:05 pm

    Charles, unless they’ve been made into bacon, I won’t put any of those on my sandwich either.

  11. Tatyana »

    6 September 2014 · 2:29 pm

    Ketchup *shudder*.
    When E. was a pre-teen and frustrated with total lack of ketchup in our fridge he took to collecting those little packets one finds on condiment tables in fast-food places.
    He loved ketchup so much – he squeezed and ate contents of those packets as if it was a snack. Hills, mountains of those silver+red packets in secret stash in his room…Until I demonstrated to him what ketchup does overnight to a penny.

  12. CGHill »

    6 September 2014 · 3:25 pm

    Frighteningly enough, this is a tendency I’ve seen before.

  13. Mayonnaise and other important topics | Ramblin' with Roger »

    15 October 2014 · 7:14 am

    […] Dustbury hates mayonnaise, and managed to write a whole blog post about it. I’m not being critical. Rather, I’m impressed that he was able to engender a whole condiment conversation in the comments section. I like mayo well enough, in egg salad or on a BLT. It should be real mayonnaise or perhaps the light (usually written as ‘lite’) version, whatever that is. But I HATE the low-fat versions. […]

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