There is no swoon

Hey girl it's Paul RyanMitt “Mitt” Romney has anointed Wisconsin Congressman and legendary [choose one] dreamboat/douchecanoe Paul “Hey Girl” Ryan as the offical winner of the 2012 Republican Veepstakes, probably not, I suspect, because of the something-less-than-ubiquitous #GiveUsRyan hashtag, but simply because he wanted to balance the ticket with a specific appeal to … um, to whom exactly? It certainly isn’t cheapskates:

While the press paints him as some maverick Ebenezer Scrooge for the budgetary Band-Aid he proposed slapping on our sucking fiscal chest wound, in reality, Ryan’s toes are firmly on the party line: he voted for Medicare Part D, TARP, auto industry bailouts, and the rest of the whole free-spending financial firehose that’s tried to float the ship of state on a fresh tide of fiat currency.

The dynamic, as it plays out, will veer away from those financial matters rather quickly, leaving a scenario worthy of an old UPN sitcom: a couple of colorless organization men versus a petulant child and his demented but lovable uncle. Bring on 2016 already.



  1. Roger Green »

    11 August 2012 · 8:58 pm

    I love your Mitt “Mitt” Romney

  2. Tatyana »

    11 August 2012 · 9:03 pm

    which party line? Reps were FOR TARP and auto-industry bailouts?
    crap, traitors everywhere.

    [can’t figure out – who are the petulant child and his lovable uncle? you can’t seriously ascribe that to Obama and his vp?

  3. CGHill »

    11 August 2012 · 9:48 pm

    @Roger: Just trying to give both guys equal snarkment.

    @Tat: You don’t think Joe Biden is lovable?

  4. Tatyana »

    12 August 2012 · 5:32 am

    I don’t think sitcom scenarios are apt.

  5. CGHill »

    12 August 2012 · 9:31 am

    Perhaps not in the definitional sense, since sitcoms are expected to be funny at some point.

  6. fillyjonk »

    12 August 2012 · 12:48 pm

    I dunno; I’ve seen an awful lot of sitcoms recently that failed to bring even a smile to my face.

    Though I guess politics-like-a-sitcom is probably marginally better than politics-like-a-reality-show (think “Toddlers and Tiaras”)

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  8. xtron »

    12 August 2012 · 3:49 pm

    either way we are screwed.
    if obama is reelected, it will be like driving off a cliff
    if romney wins, it will be like driving down a steep hill with no brakes….
    either way when you get to the bottom, it ain’t gonna be pretty
    if obama wins, i will buy more beans, bullets, and band aids starting nov. 7
    if romney wins, i will hold off till the day after he is inaugerated.

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