Get a look at those polygons

Regular readers will know of my long-established disdain for fishnets, which was first detailed here back in the Old Silurian times, and then occasionally repeated when I was short of material.

I am semi-sufferably pleased, therefore, to note that “hot author” Sloane Crosley (I Was Told There’d Be Cake) has little use for them either. As she writes in the June InStyle:

The flapper-era favorites start out strong at the toe but can quickly work their way up to awkward. Assuming the thighs in question are of a healthy circumference, what seemed like the ultimate retro peekaboo garment morphs into a square-by-square measuring system for how much bigger your thighs are than your calves. So if you can find a pair of fishnet knee-highs, you’re in business. Otherwise, just throw the fishnets overboard.

This rule does not necessarily apply if, for instance, you happen to be Angelina Jolie:

Angelina Jolie in fishnets

Photo by Mark Seliger. Was I short of material? What do you think?

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12 comments

  1. ak4mc »

    14 May 2010 · 3:21 pm

    Assuming the thighs in question are of a healthy circumference, what seemed like the ultimate retro peekaboo garment morphs into a square-by-square measuring system for how much bigger your thighs are than your calves.

    Which raises the question: would fishnet stockings be improved, aesthetically speaking, if the maximum stretchable size of the squares were reduced the farther up they go?

    Or would the increased number of squares have the same size-measuring effect as the increased size of squares on a default pair?

  2. ak4mc »

    14 May 2010 · 3:23 pm

    Of course, I’m not of the opinion that a woman whose thighs are no bigger around than her calves, is all that attractive…

  3. Daphne »

    14 May 2010 · 11:03 pm

    I think Smitty will grab it.

  4. CGHill »

    14 May 2010 · 11:10 pm

    Smitty, I suspect, is happy to see anyone over here other than Zooey Deschanel.

  5. sheri »

    15 May 2010 · 6:48 am

    There’s a FoxNews website slideshow (photos) of all the current Miss America contestants in various poses in lingerie. Fishnets everywhere. You’ll love it. Ha.

  6. canadienne »

    15 May 2010 · 6:00 pm

    I’m just curious why she is posed on a piano (looks very uncomfortable) in the middle of the desert.

  7. CGHill »

    16 May 2010 · 9:09 am

    “Does this pose make any sense?” is seldom a high priority in this business.

  8. canadienne »

    16 May 2010 · 3:26 pm

    Good point, I doubt if any of you dudes even noticed the piano.

  9. CGHill »

    16 May 2010 · 3:45 pm

    Piano? What piano?

  10. canadienne »

    16 May 2010 · 6:14 pm

    Ha, set that one up for you.

    Fishnet stockings are uncomfortable, because if you sit for any length of time you get a grid pattern on your bottom. (I had a pair of those, in the 60’s, along with the requisite black eyeliner and white go-go boots. Possibly nowadays fishnets are made of finer, or softer thread.) Combine that with the discomfort of sitting on piano keys, and I hope you boys appreciate what Angelina does for you.

  11. CGHill »

    16 May 2010 · 6:38 pm

    It’s much the same issue as with stilettos: women put up with a great deal of discomfort and expense, for a payback which may or may not be worth it. (Were someone specifically trying to pique my interest, I would probably assume she was at least somewhat deranged.)

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    17 May 2010 · 12:57 pm

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