is Illustrated The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

21 February 2006

Well, it is Illustrated

Thoughts on the 2006 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue:

  • That body-painting stuff, inaugurated way back in 1999, has spread from a feature article to actual ads: assuming I have identified them correctly (a lot to assume, considering), no fewer than three advertisers feature a young woman dressed largely or only in couture by Sherwin-Williams.

  • The trend of showing half the suit on, half the suit off this requires a two-piece, of course has advanced to showing half the suit on and nobody knows where the other half is. There's even one shot with no suit at all: Ana Beatriz Barrios is garnished with flowers, but she's not wearing a stitch. By comparison, Heidi Klum, who wears nothing but body paint and shoes throughout this issue, isn't out of line for Casual Friday.

  • At least Rick Reilly still gets the last page. (He's dressed, I assume.)

  • In most of these shots, the facial expressions yes, I looked at them tend toward the blank, with a sprinkling of "Try to look like you're having fun, even though it's four in the morning."

  • Most curious photo: page 152, which features Rebecca Romijn (she's had a Stamosectomy) and Elle MacPherson with the following wearables: one bikini bottom, one latex bracelet, one toe ring. (Neither is wearing all three.)

  • The "$30 million bikini," worn by Molly Sims over four pages, wasn't enough: they also threw in a ring ($4 million) and a pendant ($3.5 million). Coverage by all this brightwork is as minimal as you could hope for.

  • Some of the pictured swimsuits are comparatively inexpensive: under $100. Still, that's about a thousand bucks a square foot.

  • Only one convincing come-hither look in the whole package: Oluchi Onweagba, on page 126. On the other hand, if I could recognize come-hither looks when I saw them, I probably wouldn't have time to blog.*

* You wish.

Posted at 7:03 AM to Rag Trade

I'm the subscriber in our house. This issue arrived on Valentine's Day. I got Godiva, he got glossy coated paper dolls.

And for the record, the Bud chick in the bottle cap bikini was the hottest one in the whole thing. Well, just one girl's no-stake opinion. ;-)

Posted by: Jennifer at 9:49 AM on 21 February 2006