The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

26 November 2004

Hold the sticky stuff

Am I the only person in this city who ever buys Kellogg's Pop-Tarts in the unfrosted-blueberry variety? Their status as one of the original flavors hasn't done anything to insure their presence on the grocer's shelf; they seem to show up in the stores about twice a year if I'm lucky. Meanwhile, the sickeningly-sweet frosted versions get more shelf space than ketchup, despite their lack of palatability and their incompatibility with my old-style, uncomplicated toaster. (Something in the frosting seems to melt down into a nasty brown slag; for all I know, there could be plutonium in there.)

Posted at 10:29 PM to Worth a Fork

It's not plutonium, Charles. It's one of the new miracle synthetics, Brown-25. Because of its versatility, economy, and ease of recycling, this amazing substance, manufactured exclusively by Uranus Corp., has found its way into a multitude of applications, most notably in movies, television, journalism, fast food, and popular music.

"At Uranus, things come out just a little differently." -- Company motto of Uranus Corp.

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 4:53 AM on 27 November 2004

The unfrosted are also my favorite. i like to dip them in ice tea.

Posted by: JustinM at 4:56 PM on 27 November 2004

Kroger has its own brand of toaster pastries, but when I looked last night they didn't have unfrosted blueberry either.

Does your local market have a health-food section? I didn't look there last night because, well, I never look there.

Posted by: McGehee at 7:22 AM on 28 November 2004

Nabisco had a rival brand called Toastettes, but they seem to have disavowed any knowledge of them; neither Nabisco nor parent Kraft gives them any Web-site attention at all. I occasionally see a box, but the only unfrosted flavor I ever see is strawberry, and not many of those.

There is an extensive selection of kosher foods at this store, but I don't remember seeing any toaster pastries specifically constructed according to Jewish dietary laws.

Posted by: CGHill at 8:35 AM on 28 November 2004

I hit up another grocery this afternoon and found a store brand with unfrosted blueberry; I expect it will be different from, if not necessarily inferior to, the Kellogg's product.

Posted by: CGHill at 2:14 PM on 28 November 2004

Blueberry Pop Tarts are popping up all over.

Last night I was at a New Criterion gathering at Fitz's in Manhattan, and someone present mentioned that when she was growing up her momma dated a truck driver and they got all manner of damaged goods, including several cases of unfrosted blueberry Pop Tarts, which took them several years to get through. She used to make Pop Tart sandwiches with Pop Tarts for the bread and peanut butter for the filling.

The context for this discussion: A blogger who revealed his alienation from the mainstream of American culture by writing "Pop Tarts" in scare quotes.

Posted by: Michael Bates at 11:44 PM on 1 December 2004

Fascinating. Of course, in New York, it's possible, with a little bit of maneuvering, to avoid almost anything that smacks of Flyover Country; I suspect Mr Fitzgerald is past master at these maneuvers.

Posted by: CGHill at 7:21 AM on 2 December 2004