The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

31 May 2003

More than faintly musty

Here's another text file from the catacombs deep beneath drive D:, dated 30 August 1990. I have no idea where it came from (and if you know proper attribution, please advise). If you write humor, here are ten questions you should be asking yourself:

1. Will my writing make people laugh?

2. Will my writing make people see life differently?

3. Will my writing make the world a safer place for sheep?

4. In case my writing doesn't sell, have I used paper that will double as a coffee filter?

5. If people don't get my jokes, are people stupid or do they simply have no sense of humor?

6. When a 1" melon ball appears anonymously in my mailbox with a note that says "THUMB INDEX," does it mean I've somehow offended the spirit of Dan Blocker?

7. If I'm religious and I swat thirty mosquitoes on a white wall and connect the dots, should I move to the state that the drawing most resembles?

8. If many people's problems are the result of faulty toilet training, shouldn't someone get out there and fix all those faulty toilets?

9. If ladies lead when couples dance backwards, then who wears the pants in a nudist family?

10. If David Letterman were a nice guy, would he be selling shoes at Sears?

11. Oops, I said 10 things. Oh well. Writers always ask themselves more questions than normal people, because they have more answers.

Posted at 8:24 AM to Listing to One Side

Even if it were mine, I don't know if I would admit it...


Posted by: McGehee at 9:27 AM on 31 May 2003

I still don't get that Dan Blocker reference, even now.

Posted by: CGHill at 10:38 AM on 31 May 2003

Got my thirty thousand today, 'cept not skeeters: GNATS. ANd the dots looks like Oklahoma. Got a spare room?

Posted by: fredf at 6:52 PM on 31 May 2003

Damn, thought I would try that mosquito thingy and what I got looks like Pakistan ... and I am not even Buddhist?

That should have made you laugh, to look at the world a bit differently and caused you to swear off leg of lamb and wool sweaters. No paper was wasted. If you didn't get it, you are stupid and have no sense of humor and I am right there with you. The melon ball is mine and I can use the melon ball to pay the plumber. If they're naked they ain't really dancing. David who? I do not have time to wait for the 11th question.

Posted by: Tiger at 7:26 PM on 31 May 2003