The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

24 May 2003

In thrall to King Gillette

Over at Visionary Darkness, a fellow identified as "RoG" says that the razor industry is sticking it to us guys:

We've all seen the commercials for these high tech shavers like the "Mach 3 Turbo" where the guy shaves...perfectly with one swipe of the blade. It's so obvious that he doesn't have ANY whiskers to begin with (either he hasn't gone through puberty or he had a laser hair removal treatment), all they do is cover-up his face with shaving cream so that when he runs the razor through it, it looks as though he's getting an amazingly close shave.

And that ain't the half of it:

$17.00 for a pack of eight measly replacement razor cartridges? At that insane price, are you really gonna listen to the "indicator strip" and throw out your razor when THEY tell you to? Or are you going to REALLY get your money's worth out of each razor? I've been using the same razor for 6 months and the "indicator strip" fell off a long time ago.

For the record, the Schick Slim Twin, or whatever the hell it's called, lasts me about a month, and it costs less than a dollar apiece. But there is, of course, a far more effective solution, albeit one that would have never occurred to us because we are, after all, guys:

[S]tart using women's razors. Why? Because these cheap things are way sharper than the best men's razor. Think about it... these razors aren't made to shave a small area like a face, they're for shaving an entire LEG. Hell, TWO LEGS! Yeah, yeah, I know the whole "pink" thing isn't that appealing to most men, but if I can get a good shave for a decent price, I don't care if child labor slaves made 'em. And these things are very cheap in comparison: Pink "Daisy" Razors cost 5 bux a pack or less for TEN RAZORS!

This would seem to be the answer the price is right, and if someone thinks I'm a wuss or if someone thinks I actually have a girlfriend, it's immaterial to me but we're coming back to the original issue here: why should we believe any of the ad hype? Women in razor ads come off like Barbie with bendable knees; peach fuzz is a jungle by comparison. (She Who Is Not To Be Named once complained to the effect that substantial regrowth took place in the time it took to exit the bathroom, which strikes me as something of an exaggeration, although I would dearly love to research this matter further.)

I have just checked inventory, and I have seven Schick Slim Twins left. Remind me to take up this issue again around Christmas.

Posted at 12:39 PM to Rag Trade

My wife uses something called the EpiLady, which removes hair from her legs the way one of those spring-loaded exercise kits removes hair from a man's chest.

I'm not brave enough to try the exercise kit on my face.

Posted by: McGehee at 1:30 PM on 24 May 2003

I've seen that thing. It's like seven lawn edgers at once. I don't want it anywhere near any of my 2000 parts (thank you, Lever Bros.) at any time.

Posted by: CGHill at 2:01 PM on 24 May 2003

Darn it... you guys beat me to it. I was going to suggest investing in an epilator; it rips the hair right out, root and all. It's not as painful as it seems. Imagine a thousand beligerent bees descending upon one's leg. Virtually painless! ;-)

Posted by: Donna at 5:39 PM on 24 May 2003

Even one belligerent bee is more than I care to deal with, thank you very much.

So how does the finished product look? (That is the bottom line, I suppose.)

Posted by: CGHill at 5:59 PM on 24 May 2003

Cheat. Grow a beard. :)

Posted by: Steve at 8:24 PM on 24 May 2003

I must humbly disagree here. The difference between a Mach 3 and the Shick Twin is day and night. I've already built up a supply to last me through any possible disruption (including nuclear annhilation) at the Gillette plant. I speak as a man who has been compared to Nixon in the shaving dept.

Ignore all those other Nixon comparisons...they have no merit.

Posted by: Scott Chaffin at 8:37 PM on 24 May 2003

I don't think our original correspondent had any particular opinion on the Schicks per se; I mentioned them because they're what I use for this particular act of defoliation. (They're some sort of gunmetal grey, if it makes any sense to describe a plastic as gunmetal grey.)

Posted by: CGHill at 9:44 PM on 24 May 2003

I buy the Personna knock offs :) Waiting for them to come out with the Mach 3 so I can upgrade from my trusty Atra Plus :)

Posted by: ms7168 at 6:48 AM on 25 May 2003

As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter two hoots what I use...the 10 blue plastic cheap razors in a plastic bag I pick up at Stop 'n Shop, or some fancy-schmanzy epilator/wax/whatever me the secret is Filene's Green Tea Body Moisturizing Creme.

Of course, it hardly matters anyway, since yesterday's attire (May 25, mind you) consisted of sweatpants, sweater, hooded sweatshirt, socks, and sneaks. It just may possibly break 50 degrees today and sun is expected between 11:57 and 11:58 :)

Posted by: Vickie at 7:12 AM on 25 May 2003

I haven't been seduced by the Mach III yet; the previous one works fine. I use each blade for as much as a month, though the quality seems to vary from blade to blade. On the other hand, the cheap throwaway razors suck by comparison, even if they're handy in a pinch.

Intriguing idea though; the women's razors. I wouldn't care if they're pink.

My brother has to use Lady Speed Stick deodorant because all the men's brands he's tried cause a rash. He has skin allergy/sensitivity issues. He discovered he could also get away with Suave recently too.

Posted by: Jay Solo at 1:00 PM on 25 May 2003

I buy my deodorant from the Avon Lady, five excessively-cute bottles at a time. (And oh, that baby-powder scent.)

Posted by: CGHill at 1:32 PM on 25 May 2003

A MACH 3 standard not turbo in a girlie pink.... Would rock, right?

Posted by: Score at 11:56 PM on 26 January 2004