The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

14 May 2003

Singular, but no sensation

After the dispiriting experience described in "No experience required", I was ready for some good news, and needless to say, I didn't get it.

There exists something called the Soulmate Calculator, which will "calculate the number of American singles you must meet to find your soulmate." This being a Microsoft Active Server Page, I figured it probably would fail on dividing by transfinites, but I went ahead and plugged in some data anyway. Since I have a marked tendency to fall for women who are geographically unacceptable, I chose to limit the pickings to this general area; otherwise, I tried to be as unpicky as I could without making a mockery of it all, specifying a height range of four foot nine to six foot one (this would eliminate the lovely and talented Jane Galt, but she doesn't live around here anyway), ages 33 to 55, no preference on ethnicity or relationship status, and indicating a preference for some form of Christianity, on the dubious basis that leaving it blank would not expand the local field substantially.

There are fourteen characteristics which may be specified in percentile terms; on only three (emotional intelligence, compassion and humor) did I request higher than the median.

And after the server digested all this, it tossed out the following statistics:

  • My probability coefficient is 0.0080751 and a bunch more digits; I will need to meet 1,238 women to find The One.
  • I might have to move.

Gee, thanks.

Fortunately, I'm quite accustomed to desperation, or I might be tempted by something like this.

Posted at 7:05 PM to Table for One

TrackBack: 8:36 PM, 14 May 2003
» Destined to be single from Ravenwood's Universe
Charles Hill recently used this Soulmate Calculator to figure his odds of meeting that perfect soulmate. It told him that...[read more]

TrackBack: 11:25 PM, 14 May 2003
» 73,374,971!!!? from Caerdroia
Bigwig at Silflay Hraka links to a "soulmate calculator". Apparently, I would have to meet 73,374,971 heterosexual women (and Dustbury thinks he's in bad shape!) between 22 and 40 years old to find a soulmate. Apparently, intelligent women with a good ......[read more]

I could introduce you to some military women in Cheyenne.

Sadly, most are single or divorced mothers.

But otherwise seem to be within the specs you post.

Good luck

Posted by: Fuz at 7:34 PM on 14 May 2003

Thank you for ruining my night.

Your probability coefficient: 8.14158485456398E-06.

You have to meet 122,826 heterosexual females

Posted by: Ravenwood at 8:22 PM on 14 May 2003

Sez the married guy. "Me thinks you and the raven are too picky"
Your probability coefficient: 0.289378444009965.
You have to meet 3 heterosexual females who are between 24 and 35 years old who are living in your state or are willing to move there.


Posted by: bigwig at 9:53 PM on 14 May 2003

Well, I need to meet 4,268 heterosexual females between 18 and 32 apparently. Was kind of bummed, until I saw Ravenwood's number.

Posted by: Brian at 10:42 PM on 14 May 2003

I'm never letting my wife leave the house ever again.

BTW, there's a guy here in Oklahoma City who runs a Russian mail order bride business. He might be of some help.

Posted by: Cam at 10:58 PM on 14 May 2003

I have to meet 2,220 heterosexual males. The problem is, I've already met them.

Posted by: Diane L. at 11:07 PM on 14 May 2003

I'd better clarify that. We only had coffee.

Posted by: Diane L. at 11:48 PM on 14 May 2003

I notice the quiz doesn't seem to say anything about what needs to happen when you do meet your soulmate. I mean, is he/she contractually obligated to consider you his/her soulmate in return?

Posted by: McGehee at 10:13 AM on 15 May 2003

That would simplify matters too much, and would probably eliminate somewhere around forty percent of mass-market fiction in the process.

Posted by: CGHill at 11:47 AM on 15 May 2003

And this is a bad thing?

Posted by: McGehee at 4:32 PM on 15 May 2003

As Mr Jagger used to observe, "You can't always get what you want." Of course, he usually got what he needed, or thought he needed.

Posted by: CGHill at 4:40 PM on 15 May 2003

Yah, but he stood a much better chance of being able to -afford- his needs than most of the rest of us.

Posted by: Steve at 9:17 PM on 15 May 2003

What a drag it is getting old, huh?

Posted by: CGHill at 6:53 PM on 16 May 2003

Unfortunately, yes.

Posted by: Steve at 10:41 PM on 16 May 2003