The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

27 September 2002

Rich guy, needle, some assembly required

In his guise as Dinah Dienstag, Professor of Idiotarian Thought at the University of North-South-West Rhode Island Red, Cinderella Bloggerfeller (bless you, Abi and Esther) explains the Higher Morality that comes with poverty:

"Traditional Christian theology implied that only God could see into a manís soul. Idiotarians reject this as 'mystification'. They have a thoroughly scientific method of finding out the state of a person's soul: just look at their bank balance. Rich people are morally bad, poor people are morally good. Making poor people rich would be a Bad Thing. It would turn them into criminals. The poor are our conscience. Some Leftists are actually split on this they have a nagging doubt that it might be a good idea to make Third World people a bit richer. This might solve some of their problems (but only if such a scheme involved making rich people poorer, of course). However, such ideas are rarely more than idle thoughts. To the idiotarian, it is in fact the duty of the Third World to be poor, to be one vast monastery so it can act as a conscience for the rich West. Prime example of the use of this metaphor: the environmentalist at the Johannesburg conference who said that poverty was good for Africans as it helped to preserve their culture from the taint of Western materialism."

And, of course, wrenching poverty presents all the graphic evidence you could want that these poor souls aren't doing something evil and heinous like producing consumer goods to be sold to nasty, selfish, immoral First Worlders through despoilers of culture such as Le Mart du Wal.

Mr Bloggerfeller suggests that this particular piece is one in a series. An infinite series. The mind reels.

Posted at 10:16 PM to Political Science Fiction

Suggestion for a new slogan for the next Third World pro-Free-Trade protest (like the ones that the media barely reported on were going on outside that conference in Johannesburg): "Taint me, please!"

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 7:31 PM on 28 September 2002

They could even rewrite the Zimmerman:

"Taint me, babe,
Yes, yes, yes, taint me, babe."

And then, of course, they can leave at their own chosen speed.

Posted by: CGHill at 5:40 PM on 29 September 2002